Wednesday, November 10, 2010

In my former life I was a rapper...

I apologize for not bloggin' in a few weeks. I have no excuse except I am one lazy chick after working with snotty-nosed rug rats all day. I vow to become a more dedicated blogger.

After I stuffed my face with 2 turkey tacos (with all the fixin's in a hard shell), I decided to look-up songs to download on my iPod. As I normally do, I Google "top 100 pop/rap songs." Side note: I feel freakishly weird about jammin' out to curse word, drug influenced songs as I drive to go see kids for therapy. Anyway, tonight I stumbled across a song on the's Hot 100. The song is titled "Toot It And Boot It." It's current chart position is #81... if you play it you'll see why.
This leads me to my "that's what she said" thought of the day....
(I'm using Seth Myers' "Really" skit from SNL Weekend Update as my template---here goes)

This just in...
Rappers are now referring to sex with a female as "tootin' it." I mean really? Are the words sex, f*@&, smackin' dat, whompin' dat, tappin' dat, gettin' some, grindin', bustin' n*tz all ova ya face kid...not good enough to say anymore? Really? I mean how many more different ways can you discuss sex? And if you think inserting a "z" in the middle of each word helps, (ex. tizappin dizat izass) think again. I mean really. Not only is it bad enough that 90% of your songs are about sex (leaving the other 10% to drugs, being in prison, or other referenced gang shootings), you now have to go and "think" of another term for sex. Really? How degrading will you get before you aren't getting any ass at all? I mean really. Now this song "Toot it and boot it" is about getting some ass then kickin' the poor ho out of your house faster than 2 shakes of a lambs tail. I mean really? "Toot it and boot it"? When I first saw this title I thought it was a children's song about Thomas the train having a good day on the tracks and kicking it with his train friends. Boy was I wrong. I mean really. Take this lyric for example..

"I met her in the club
then I said wassup
I took her to the crib
and you know I f*ed
yea toot it and boot it
toot it and boot it
toot it and boot it
thats why I toot and boot it" (p.s. no where in this lyric proves "why" he can toot it and boot it)

Really? Really? Next thing you know, this amateur rapper (btw he goes by YG) will probably be the most saught after musical guest on late night shows. Really? I mean why even waste your time writing down these lyrics? Sounds like YG was sitting on the crapper one day, thought of 2 rhyming words, dropped a beat, put these words together and BAM! he's got a song on the Hot 100. Really? So all of you wanna be rappers out there, take a second before you start ramblin' nonsense words and ask yourself "will these lyrics even make sense?" If the answer is no, then I say go for it, everyone else has.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010 sweet

I had the pleasure of hanging out with my best friend and her precious baby Addy over this past weekend. Addy will be celebrating her 1st birthday on Halloween! Can't believe she is already a year old, time flies by! It has been such a fun year getting to know Addy and seeing my friend transform into a Super Mom, she really is the best! We were reflecting back on the year and the #1 complaint from Mary Ellen was that she just didnt get enough sleep! I think that is the #1 complaint of new mamas everywhere. Then the next remark was that this past year has been hands down the best year of her life! This sounds cliche' but I really understood the meaning of love that day; when I watched the way Addy looked at Mary Ellen and the comfort in her eyes knowing that she will always be loved so much (by Aunt Carrie too)! I mean how could you not love this precious little piglet?

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Kids say the craziest, coolest, weirdest things!

So, 2 mornings out of each week (until January) I have to pleasure to do preschool speech and language screenings at various churches and daycares. It has been my intention since the beginning to bring a notebook with me so that I can write down the funny shit that kids say to me, but I have yet to remember to bring one. I will start doing it for the remaining screens. Anyway, today at this church, my colleague was screening this kid and all of the sudden she busted out laughing. Automatically I knew what had happened. She said "you gotta hear this!" So this boy comes over to my table and says" can you touch your nose with your tongue?" And I said "well, I can try." So I tried. I wasn't even close. And the kid says "Ya know, the only other person I know that can do that is Gene Simmons!" HAHAHA! That kid knows about this?!.......

And he's 4 years old! That kid is going places.

Monday, October 18, 2010

Ciggies + pumping iron = idiotic

It has been 2 years, 3 months, 14 days since I smoked my last ciggie. Back then I proclaimed that I was this healthy 23 year old who worked out daily and ate healthy foods when really I was a 23 year old who worked out daily, ate healthy foods and smoked cigarettes like they were going out of style. Who can really say they are healthy when they smoke? I am guilty as charged. But I gave it up on July 4th 2008 (of all holidays). It was sorta an independence day committment to myself: I was freeing my lungs. I will admit, the months following my decision were hard. I would crave just a little puff of a cig, but after a while, the cravings went away and I was able to sip my little Bud Light bottle without feeling that I needed one. I am so glad I gave them up, it was the best decision I made that year. Well, the best decision I made that year was to climb into a bread truck parked outside a bar at 2:30 am and rummage through some Sara Lee bags until the black delivery man kicked me out. I said I gave up cigs, not carbs!
Anyway, this post does have a point....
I was at the gym today, and noticed a pack of Marlboro Lights next to the free weights. Who in the world brings cigs into a gym? Who dedicates time to work out and get fit when they are just gonna leave and light-up? Who would spend money on something that could ultimately kill you in the end? Whoever it was is a fool to think they are actually healthy just because they workout ( I was once that fool). Reminds me of the time when I saw this fairly attractive, fit blonde walking out of the YMCA and lighting up a black-and-mild!  Her crazy ass needed a slap in the face for that fail.

Lesson of the day, before you proclaim to be the person you think  you are, revisit the habits you've been haboring and free yourself. Who says independence day can only happen in July?

Sunday, October 17, 2010

BBQ chicken pizza? Yes please!

After an extremely long week, I decided to treat myself to homemade BBQ chicken pizza! I did some googling (will use "ghoulgling" closer to Halloween) and found a delicious recipe. BBQ chicken pizza is my favorite kind of pizza (pineapple and ham is a close second) and I don't think I will ever be able to eat restaurant or store bought BBQ pizza again after making it myself! Wow, I am really giving myself props, but what the hell, it's okay to pat yourself on the back every once and a while!

After 2 vodka + ginger ale + lemon drunks, I mean drinks, this is what came out of the oven...

Yay! I got the picture to upload. Doesn't it look so yummy?
I bought the premade Boboli crust as well as a pizza crust that you can find in the cold section of the grocery store. I decided to go with the Pillsbury dough and it was a great decision. The crust was flakey, light, fluffy, and crunchy all at the same time. My palate was happy :) Holler if you want me to post the recipe!

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Friday where are you???

You've gotta be kidding me? Today is only Wednesday! Could this week drag ass any more than it already  is?

I had the enjoyment of watching a kid piss himself today and then asked me to unbutton his pants...of course my first instinct was to say "Jesus son, did you not know you had to piss?" (kid is 8 by the way) so you know he knew he had to go, Im just sayin'. But my patient (haha) self replied "Oh its okay, you can just pull your pants down without undoing the button, who needs buttons anyway" Needless to say this 30 second "uh-oh" turned into a 10 minute bathroom ordeal,  all with me still avoiding touching anything regarding piss, pissed pants, pissed-on buttons.

Lesson of the day, when you gotta go piss, just freakin' go!

First day on the blog!

So I am the latest in my group of girl friends to start a blog and I must say that this is something that I could get excited about. Thanks Schel and Lou for encouraging me to do this!

Brace yourselves, things could get ugly around here :)